We like to refer to our grandson, Ezra, as “the little negotiator”. From the time he was forming sentences he was negotiating on his behalf. It usually sounds like this. me: “Here Ezra, you can have two Oreos”. him: “Umm how bout five?” me: “How bout three?” him: “Okay, four is good.” He negotiates everything! Telling him to pick up his things, turns into a negotiation of what he can do after he picks the toys up. A statement of what we are going to do today, becomes a discussion on what we really should do, and why said thing is better. Usually those interactions end with, “Deal”?………… “Deal”! Now at five years old, he is really mastering the “art of the deal”, and he is teaching Grandma a thing or two. Mostly to be ahead of the curve.
Although it can be frustrating to have him always trying to run the show, I am actually glad that he knows exactly what he wants and is able to speak up to get it. The world can run you over if you don’t have a clear idea of what you want and go for it. Life is also about give and take, and the fact that he doesn’t throw a fit to get what he wants but instead is willing to '“give a little to get a little”, seems like a pretty good skill. He seems to know on some level, that negotiating isn’t about winning. It’s about being heard.
In my life I am not a very good negotiator. Partly I am sure, has to do with the fact that I don’t like conflict. I avoid it like a spam sandwich. In addition to that, I tend to be a rule follower, at least to some extent that may involve conflict. I am also quite stubborn and set in my beliefs, although I am trying to allow grace to play a bigger role in my life than my opinions.
Where I do see negotiation come into play, is in my walk with God. There have been times in my life when I have begged and pleaded with God, and yes negotiated. When my baby girl was having a long difficult surgery I told God if he would heal her I would be the most amazing God centered mom He could envision. There have been other times where I bargained for things from God promising to go to church more, pray more, give more and be more, if only he would do x y or z for me. It seems funny now as I write this, that I chose to negotiate with the one entity who is sovereign, just and has my best interests at heart, hands down. I think really what I was trying to say was, “this is so incredibly important to me, I will sacrifice anything for this”. I wanted to be heard, loud and clear.
God draws a hard line on what is best for us. He doesn’t make mistakes because He is truth and love. In the end His plans are truly what is best for us, even if the process to get there is a painful one, or one fraught with loss, heartache or challenges. There really are no shortcuts to becoming God’s best us. So although we may try to negotiate our position and therefore barter with God, what we are really saying is, “hear my heart God.”
It may surprise you to realize that there were some very important people in the bible that did negotiate with God. One such person was Abraham, when he pleaded with God for Sodom and Gomorrah. When God informs Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah would be destroyed, Abraham bargains with God and asks that if a certain amount of people were found to be righteous, would God spare them. Abraham keeps bargaining with God until the number went from 50 righteous people to 10. This back and forth negotiating between Abraham and God saved Abraham’s nephew, Lot. I have to believe that God allows us to negotiate with Him, even argue with Him, so that we can interact with Him. He is not some entirely separate detached deity, but our loving Father who wants to hear our heart and our pleas to intercede for the ones we love. It may seem as if we can change God’s mind, but it’s more like God knew what He wanted to do in the end. Possibly to show His graciousness.
I imagine my grandson years from now becoming a master negotiator working for some big company, or maybe he will even become a crisis negotiator. He certainly has a natural bend in that direction. I guess what I learn watching him, is that it is important to know both sides of the coin. Know what you want, know what the other person wants, and find a way to give something of yourself to gain a little bit more of what you desire. Sounds like compromise. Perhaps our negotiating with God looks a little bit like that. To successfully negotiate with God, we need to know God’s promises. We need to understand God’s character, because God can never go against His word. When we know God’s side of the coin, we can align our desires with that. We can share our heart and know that we truly are heard. Who knows, maybe God smiles like I do when my grandson pleads his case. But in the end, I will do what is best for my grandson, and God will do what is best for us.