Through the years I have been given many, many gifts from my children. Most of these gifts were not bought at a department store, or wrapped in pretty boxes with ornate bows. They were simply presented from the heart and with a smile. My treasures of gifts would not make the Martha Stewart catalog, they consisted of macaroni necklaces, painted rocks, self portraits of their cheeky faces, and play-dough sculptures that I think, were animals. I adored them, cherished them and was filled with joy. These gifts made by ruddy, dirty little hands were all heart and soul creations, made with everything they had, for their mom. My children have offered their loving gifts to other people who have touched their hearts. On my parents bathroom wall, proudly displayed for over 10 years, is a picture drawn by my 5 year old daughter. It is a picture of her grandfathers face with shaving cream all over it, and it says, "Grandpa's shaving joke." When my dad would shave, he would put shaving cream on his face and chase the kids around the house and try to kiss them. My daughter loved their little ritual and expressed it through art. Her little heart was saying, "I love this special game we play, it gives me joy, and it fills my heart." When we receive such a gift from a child it resonates in our heart and connects us to what really matters. Children have this amazing ability to give what matters.
So why is it, that I have such a hard time accepting gifts that matter from others? Gifts from grownups, from those that love and care about me, like receiving help, service, advice or a kind act. Why do I jut my chin out, square my shoulders, and say, "thank you, but I got this". When the truth is someone else is willing to give something that I cannot give to myself. When my child presented me with a handful of flowering, wilting weeds and said "Mommy I hope you feel better," did I put my hand up and say, "Oh thanks, but I don't need those." Of course NOT! That would hurt their tender heart and disconnect what really matters. And yet I have done that to others, and I have seen the heartbreak in their eyes.
So what is it, this piece in me, that rejects the motivations of other's hearts? Is it pride? I am afraid that others see something in me that I can't do or is lacking? Is it that I feel unworthy? Am I fearful that their generosity is misplaced on someone who doesn't deserve it? Is it trust? Am I afraid to let someone connect with my heart on that level only to be disappointed? Am I afraid that they have hidden agendas or unrealistic expectations that I can not measure up to? Or is it just such a rare commodity in my life that I'm not sure what to do with it? The common theme I keep coming back to, is fear. Shame, rejection, feeling less than, being alone, all feed the monster of fear. When I feed the monster I am robbing others of giving what matters, and I am robbing myself of what I need most.
There are 59 places in the bible that refer to "one another". Love one another, be devoted to one another, accept one another, instruct one another, serve one another, forgive one another, just to name a few. We are not meant to go it alone. We were meant to be "with one another." God created Adam and said, "It is not good for man to be alone", and so he created Eve as Adam's helpmate. God's instruction is clear to me. He gave us one another because we need one another. When we reject the gift of help, we reject God's original plan and desire for mankind.
So I am brought face to face with something new, something that makes no sense....until it does. In order to receive the gifts that others offer from the heart, I must first.. Let Go. Let go of my pride. Let go of my fears. Let go of my misguided sense of self reliance. My fists I hold so tightly clenched together in frustration and stomp my feet in defiance....Let Go. When I freely open my hands and heart I am free to except what God has so lovingly provided... one another. And that truly is the best gift.