When we think of God using us for His kingdom, we tend to think of all the Godly and good qualities we have. We tend to think that we can only be good ambassadors for Jesus if we have led a life without blemish….. or at least without some big blunders.
I hear you. I am right there with you. My life, my past, is far from blunderless. It took some real, deep soul searching, for me to see how God feels about this, and I want to share that with you.
I am a mother of five. I have messed up too many times to count, and on occasion I have rallied. I know what it means to live in the dirty trenches of motherhood. I was awarded on some days the “mom of the year” award, and on other days, I was a complete failure, and set my kids up for a life of therapy. I know the roller coaster life of being a mom. If I had to be a perfect mom to help other moms, then I would never be able to share my story. But God uses my weaknesses and mistakes to come alongside other moms and say, “ Ya, me too.” “i know how that feels” and “ God’s grace covers that.”
I was divorced. The stigma and emotional pain others cast on me, and honestly sometimes still do, threatens to stop me in my tracks. My very own emotional pain of breaking a vow before God made moving forward so hard for me. I had a choice to make. I could let the shame consume me, or I could receive grace from God and let him use my wounds for his glory. The emotional pain and deep scars make me a prime candidate for telling others that, “God still loves you, that you are forgiven, and you are His.”
I have been in an unhealthy relationship. I have lied and manipulated because I felt I had no voice. I hid the truth from those that loved me and cared about me, because I felt such shame. I know how it feels to be scared and alone in my dysfunction. I know the horrible feeling of digging so deep that you come to the bottom of yourself with nothing left. I know the damage my choices have made on the people I loved most in the world, and it broke my heart. I could forever feel condemned by those choices, or I could see it as an opportunity for God to exchange my wounds for wisdom. I am uniquely equipped to understand, what most can not, about abusive relationships. I can say, “ Grace was never meant to be given so that sin can abound.” and “ You are already amazing and God’s plans for you include plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I have carried the suitcase of unforgiveness, and I have known the enormous weight of it. I have struggled with the ugliness of bitterness and resentment only to find that it kept me mired in the pain. I have known the joy of finally being able to release my tight grasp on it and hand it into the Lord’s outstretched hand. I can come along side others and say, “You can never achieve true forgiveness in your own strength, it is only through the holy spirit moving in you that you can release it’s grasp on your life.”
You are God’s natural resource. Everything you have gone through, all the heartache, mistakes and or joy you have had, make you positioned exactly where God can use you. It’s not about God endorsing our sin, it’s about Him turning it around and using it for His glory. Genesis 50:20 You meant evil against me, but God used it for good.
If you are struggling at all with the weight of your past, or if you are holding someone’s past against them, I want to encourage you to read the story of Rahab in the bible. Rahab was a prostitute. Hardly a poster child as an ambassador for God. But God picked her, and she picked Him. Her one act of believing that God was who He said He was, propelled her in a new direction. It literally changed her life. She hid the spies who would storm Jericho and in the end she married one of the Israelite, Solom, and she had a son. That son was named Boaz. Boaz was the kinsman redeemer who redeemed Ruth, an outcast, and married her. Their union created a son named Obed, who had a son named Jesse, and he had a son named David. King David. Further down the lineage you will see a son named Jesus. This is where it really gets good. This was my aha moment. Rahab was an outcast and was given a second chance. So where do you think her son Boaz learned about the second chances of God? No doubt Rahab modeled this to her son. Boaz then takes Ruth, an outcast, giving her a second chance. King David knew first hand the grace of God. And Jesus? Jesus was all about giving the outcast a second chance! The family tree of Jesus was filled with people who messed up. God didn’t care about the pedigree, He cared about people who would turn away from their past and have a heart for Him.
I can’t help but feel that God puts a great value on experiences. After all, He sent his son to earth to experience pain, hunger, betrayal, loneliness and suffering. He did that so that He could say, “I know how you feel”, “I will help you through this.”
You were never meant to be a prisoner of your past. It was meant as a lesson, not a life sentence. Your experiences have made you uniquely qualified to show the grace of God. When we can say, “yes, I have been there, and I am standing here today because of the great love and mercy of God,” then we can give hope to the hurting and be true ambassadors for Christ.